And Grease the Pan

There is a family recipe for Caramel Oatmeal Bars that is essential to my family’s Christmas celebrations. It is one passed down from my Grandma Schwoerer. I have a photocopy of it in my recipe drawer and it is one of those recipes that you almost don’t need a instructions for as you’ve made it so many times you almost have the amounts and steps memorized. I believe the original is from Grandma’s sister Valeria. I also believe that Christmas could not take place without them.

I won’t go into details about the directions that are on the recipe as any appetite or food cravings I do have are highly suggestible at this point and since the fair citizens of California do not seem to be too interested in baking, the grocery stores do not carry the caramels that are required to make this dessert, except in the fall when they stock bags of Kraft caramels to make caramel apples (mmm, caramel apples, maybe dipped in nuts…focus, focus) so if I talk about them too much and get the craving I am sort of out of luck unless I substitute the caramels with something similar which as we all have experienced can only awaken the craving without satisfying it fully if it does not taste like how we remember it. (Hey Mom, you are bringing a bag of caramels when you come, right?).

Anyway, the recipe states to take half of the oatmeal, butter, brown sugar mixture (now doesn’t that sound good? Let me know if you want the full recipe because it is…focus, focus) and press it into a 9x13 pan. And then it says “and grease the pan.” If you aren’t one of those conscientious cooks who reads the whole recipe before beginning you will be uttering a Homer-like “Doh” right at the moment when the mixture is all pressed in and ready to go into the oven.

How many times have we thought or said, “If I only had known”, or “If I had it to do over again”, or “If I knew then what I know now…” It’s a universal sentiment that can be applied to so many aspects of our lives.

Just yesterday I was in the baby aisle at Target as a mother of three was unwrapping a new pacifier for her fussy son as he is particular about what brand he will take and she gave me a couple of tips of things that she wishes she had known or done when her oldest was born. I listened carefully, and am proud to say that I remember them despite experiencing a hot flash at the time.

I am well aware that I will experience this feeling of “if I had only known” innumerable times over the next weeks, months, years. No matter how many books we read, or advice we receive or classes we take, no resource will be an expert on our baby and some of the information will be invaluable and some will not apply at all. Our expectation is to learn something every day, and to pay attention all the while knowing that once we feel like we’ve got it down things will change again.

As I just wrote to Little One in my pregnancy diary, adaptability will be key. I have gotten used to never sitting upright in the car and avoiding foods to minimize heartburn (cinnamon and mint – who knew these things could be so evil? Mmmm, mint chocolate chip ice cream…focus, focus) and to holding my ribs with my right forearm. You adjust to the circumstance and get on with your day. Yes, that the circumstances are changing day to day can get dizzying. And then there comes a day when there is too much adjusting required so then you start your maternity leave.

(By the way, to all the moms reading this who worked right up until the end or were chasing other children around while 9 months pregnant: you have my undying admiration. I am a wimp compared to you.)

While facing the reality of parenthood, with its great gulps of joy and its daily struggles, adaptability will be required of us as we will no longer be in charge. I also keep in mind what I’ve discussed before, the daunting task that Little One has ahead: to learn all about the Big World and how to adapt to live in it.

I can only imagine the experience of the outside world after so many months safely in utero. This Easily Overwhelmed Girl can relate to it being a brash, chaotic, glaring place with too many rules and sensations. I hope Fearless Hero and I and Grandma can help Little One quickly adapt to the joys of the swing and the smells of his dad’s cooking and the comfort of being held in her first weeks.

There is a quote that I remember from Maya Angelou which stuck with me before becoming a parent was forefront in my mind, perhaps because I worked with children. I heard it again a few years ago when Toni Morrison was on the Oprah show so now I am not entirely sure where the idea originated. Nevertheless, it has come back to my mind recently. I looked it up online to remember the full context of the idea; here is what I found:

"Maya Angelou asks, 'How do you react when your child enters the
room? Do your eyes light up?' All children need to feel special, in
their own right, apart from their accomplishments and accolades.
In our daily routine it is often easy for family members to take each other for granted. We should never forget how important it is for our
unconditional love to shine through and be seen every day.
Yes, we can facilitate the attainment of their goals by driving them
to practices, cheering from the stands and proudly extolling their
talents. But what signals do our kids receive from us during the course of an average day?"

In her discussion with Oprah about this idea, Toni Morrison added that if the answer is “yes”, it allows your face to speak what your heart feels. The article continues with a discussion of how do we build our children's self-confidence and, at the same time, teach them how to be realistic about their expectations in light of the competition and pressures of growing up? It reminds parents that they have the power to give their children the belief that they can face the challenges that life brings; that they have much potential. And it is often through small gestures, like the look on your face when you greet them, which can make the difference over the years.

I realize that I should be thinking about the intricacies of swaddling and the details of appropriate car seat installation, I think I am preoccupied with these ideas to distract myself from the waiting and the incoming reality of no sleep. Having this down time has clearly lead to some periods of introspection, interspersed with trips to the bathroom and continued frenzied list-making and closet organizing. Soon I will be too much in the thick of it to think of anything but Little One and sleep.

But when I think back to my childhood I can think of many occasions, and many people, whose eye lit up when I came to sit on their lap and who made me feel special. It is natural to think of wonderful things from your own childhood that you would like to recreate for your little one.

Back in February, Fearless Hero and I had just reached the second trimester and we were allowing ourselves to acknowledge and celebrate and plan for the first time. We had just had our appointment with the doctor and afterwards were heading up to San Francisco for a few days. We expected to come upon some baby boutiques or other impractical spots to pick up impractical but adorable baby things during our time in the city, which didn’t actually happen.

What I did find in a gift shop were a line of note cards that had sentiments that spoke to me somehow; I bought them without any real plan for what I was going to do with them. I had seen this line of cards before, with nature graphics and cool quotes. One had a quote by Marcus Solero that said, “A possibility was born the day you were born and it will live as long as you live.” and the other, a quote attributed to Sam Friend said, “There is in each of us so much goodness that if we could see it glow, it would light the world.”

I have since found the note card company’s website and bought a few more, including Robert Browning’s quote, “Great things are made of little things” and Helen Keller’s quote, “The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.”

The cards are simply framed and in Little One’s room. The nature pictures that are on each card aren’t necessarily geared for a baby; there are no cute animals or pink bows or blue cars but trees and the stars and the wind.

They are reminders for Fearless Hero and I as parents. Reminders that the importance of the many little things we do every day will make the difference. These things are more important than what clothes we buy (though can I say that buying infant and toddler size Adidas Superstars shoes filled my heart with joy) or what products we use.

They are wishes like the fairy godmothers who came to Sleeping Beauty’s crib to bestow their blessings. Fearless Hero and I are fortunate to have a wonderful group of family and friends in our lives that have supported us these past months and who will be important in the life of our child. Little One is lucky to have many who will watch over her and who will help wish and make wonderful things happen for him.

We will keep you posted about the day when our eyes light up when Little One comes into the world.