Two Minutes

So I'm filling out these online applications, attaching all the necessary documents in the necessary format, entering all the required information, mining my past for such nuggets as the extension of my supervisor eleven years ago, composing eloquent cover letters to accent the skills the organization is seeking in a candidate, proofreading for error and typos, wrestling with various online formats, creating usernames and passwords to gain access to job websites, using Mapquest to ensure the job locations won't require me to leave at 3am to arrive on time, rechecking with sites to find new job postings, digging through my files for names and dates, contemplating other avenues of job research, massaging sore wrists and neck, envisioning myself in a variety of setting, convincing myself of my capability to perform the duties these jobs require, brainstorming different ways to search, organizing the information about area agencies and resources, decrying my lack of certain skills and figuring out new ways to emphasize ones I do possess, and questioning every career decision I have ever made.

I'm pretty freakin' tired is my point here.

I go to a website where many area districts post openings for a variety of jobs. Great resource, right? A one-stop way to check out jobs in many areas. And the profile you create can be used again later, with any modifications you care to make, to apply for future jobs on the site. Great, right?

I create a profile, fill out their 6 pages of information, attach the necessary documents in the correct format, create a professional yet personable cover letter and send it off. I usually heave something like a sigh, of relief or at the futility of it all, depending on my mood. This time I looked up at the clock and thought to myself, "It is 12:26, four minutes to the pinnacle of trash known as the Bold and the Beautiful. Time for lunch." I commenced the remote and refrigerator search and spent the next half hour giggling and nibbling.

When I returned to my desk, ready to get back to work, the first thing I did was check my email. At 12:28 I received this message:

"On behalf of the Board of Education, the district administration and the committee members involved in the selection process, I want to thank you for the time and effort you have expended in becoming an applicant.

The district was pleased to have a favorable response from a number of well qualified candidates for the position available. The selection committee has identified a limited number of applicants to be invited for a personal interview. Although the screening panel commended your background and educational experience, it was felt that other candidates better met the needs of the district.

Again, your qualifications were recognized by the committee and your desire to become a member of the XXXXXXXX team is greatly appreciated. We wish you success in your professional endeavors.

Respectfully..."

My response:

"On behalf of Beth, her husband, family and anguished checkbook, I want to thank for the whole of two minutes you expended at considering my application for employment.

In these two minutes, your selection committe convened, read my application and resume and 4th grade report card, commended my background and experience, decided against requesting an interview and drafted such a lovely response. Congratulations on the speed and efficiency with which you conduct your candidate search.

Although your two minutes was impressive I have decided to continue my search for another organization to better meet my need to be jerked around in even less time.

I wish you success in your continued endeavors not to waste future job-seekers time.

Respectfully..."

See how good I am getting at writing eloquent letters?

By the time I do get a job I will be too tired and bitter to actually perform it.

Hopefully, tomorrow will just contain more of the benign ignoring I have experienced so far. Benign is good.